Dodging Bullets

Is there anyone who is reading this who believes that the more you focus on something, good or bad, the more you will bring that focus into your life?  Also, who can relate to me in NOT thinking that we are all born with disease in our bodies?  

In the last couple of weeks, I can think of more than one time that I was having a conversation with someone and the comment was made, “Well, we all have cancer; it is whether or not the cells take off.”  How scary!!  Going through life thinking that?!  It reminds me of one of my previous blogs entitled “What is Your Frequency?”  In that story, I go into detail about how many of us go through life fearing the unexpected.  Because we fear not knowing what is to come, we curse ourselves by saying things like “Well, we are all born with cancer.”  So, once when we come face-to-face with it, it can be more expected because, hell, we have been telling ourselves it was going to happen anyways!

In the past few weeks, I had been fearing the unknown.  I was allowing the comments of others to take over what I really wanted to believe was going to be the outcome.  I am one of those people who does not believe we are all born with disease in us.  It is kind of like the saying “If you believe you can, you’re right!  And if you believe you can’t, you’re also right.”  So, what brought so much of this discussion up within the last few weeks was back in July 2018 when it was brought to my attention that I had a lump in my throat.  It was very close, if not attached to my thyroid.  I didn’t think much of it.  I was talking to a client of mine, who just so happened to be a physician, and was just asking some broad, spectrum questions about thyroid and thyroid function.  You know, just a very common topic of conversation...ha, ha, ha.  Well, after having this conversation, I really didn’t think that it was too concerning that I had inherited this lump until I was asked about it again by the person who noticed it!  Then, you start to think about it more and more.  Next thing, you find yourself at the doctor’s office somewhat concerned that this lump seemed to pop out of nowhere.  But then, I started thinking over the past year, back to the winter of 2017 when I experienced some peculiar right-side ear, sinus, neck, and throat pain.  That’s right; I even lost my voice last winter.  Man, it is all coming back to me now, I was thinking.  So, fast forward to my first doctor’s appointment where the doc takes a look at my lump and says, “Yeah, set yourself up an ultrasound.”  GREAT!!  I know what that means!  So, what did I do? I set myself up an ultrasound for 8 weeks later.  I know, I know…you’re thinking “WHAT?! Why did you wait so long?”  Well, I have been really trying to help my body heal with the assistance of what it needs versus covering things up symptomatically.  I feel that bodies have this amazing ability to tell us what it needs by manifesting different ailments.  What I mean by that, at least for me in this situation, I was missing something.  I didn’t know exactly what it was, but I really wanted to find out.  So, instead of going in for an ultrasound right away, I started to investigate, and I was able to get to the bottom of why these bumps or nodules magically appear.

Now, maybe I am easily amused, but I am just so amazed on what different types of remedies are out there for us, but somehow, it is as if it is almost kept a secret!  After doing just a little bit of research, I started taking a couple different remedies, including iodine.  I found out, especially in this part of the country, so many of us are deficient in iodine.  Even though the US, according to many articles I read, is not considered to have low levels of iodine.  Some countries are even more at risk of the side effects of iodine deficiencies than the US.  But, what is important to know is that our thyroid needs iodine to produce effective amounts of a thyroid hormone that regulates so many different things in our bodies.  Well, I guess I could go on and on about this.  What is really neat is that the thyroid gradually absorbs the iodine that it needs, and then just flushes out the rest.  I also know a proper way to do a simple check on whether or not you have enough in your system.  

With all of that explained, the reason I waited was to know more about my body and this weird lump on my thyroid.  After a blood test, according to what the medical world considers normal thyroid function, I was on the low end of the healthy range.  After taking iodine for 7 weeks, I noticed a change in the lump.  It seemed to be getting smaller and less noticeable.  But, I felt like I still needed to get the ultrasound.  After going and getting the lump measured, of course it was time to wait for a phone call on what was next.  Now, having dealt with this process or protocol with my mother and knowing all these things take place one after another, I am sure you have a pretty good idea of where my thoughts were going.  Then, I received the phone call; the nurse on the other end explained to me that normally when these nodules are over a certain size, they recommend a biopsy.  “Jeepers, creepers!!” Mine is larger than what they like to see, soooooo now I need a biopsy!!  Stay calm, stay calm!  I am telling you, I was more scared and upset knowing they were going to be jabbing me in the neck with needles than anything, no lie!

I got to the appointment, and it was explained to me what was going to happen, right?  The tears by this time were just streaming down my face!  All I kept saying was I AM HEALTHY. I AM HEALTHY.  I AM HEALTHY.  “Say what you want, not what you don’t want” kept going through my mind, over and over again.  To be honest, the procedures went pretty quickly once the doc started.  Energetically, my throat chakra is one that is many times out of alignment with the rest of my energy centers.  So, stick a couple, three or five long needles in there multiple times, that pent up energy is just going to flow out.  So again, the tears were going well!  The one nurse seemed concerned because she asked me more than once, “Are you OK?”  She also said, “You’re doing so go.”  I kind of felt like a kid again, having to be comforted because of this whole ordeal.  Man, oh man!

Once the procedure was done, I could only wait.  I waited for two or three days for a phone call.  Notice as I am explaining all of this, I do not even say the word of what they were doing these tests for.  Say what you want, not what you don’t want. I AM HEALTHY. I AM HEALTHY. I AM HEALTHY.  So, this week on Wednesday night, at 6 p.m., my phone rang, and I part of me didn’t want to answer it in hopes that they would just leave a message.  Do they even do that?  I, of course, ended up answering, and after about 10 seconds of “How are you?” and “I bet you were just waiting for this phone call,” she said, “After all the tests came back, your results are benign.”  AMEN…boy, did I dodge a bullet!!  

While all of this was happening, I felt deep down that I already knew what the answer was going to be.  But, I felt I allowed so many of the comments I talked about earlier in this story beginning to alter my way of thinking.  Once I hung up the phone, there was a feeling of ‘I really just was able to get another chance.’  Maybe that doesn’t even seem fair to some of you who may be reading this because so many of us have gotten the results with not-so-good news!  But, I can have compassion and empathy for those people, including myself, because I have been one of those people who was so close to more than one person whose new journey started and was shortly lived after they received that phone call.

How many bullets do we need to dodge before we take life by the horns, so to speak, and really live in a way that has purpose and fulfillment? This was yet another WAKE UP call for me.  

Share with me your thoughts, good or bad, it is why I do this!

Nikki @ Zen Den Therapy

Blessings and #behappy

Turn your suffering into grace, otherwise all it is, is wasted pain
— Elizabeth Gilbert